Breaking Bad…Habits in 5 Steps

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As we wrap up one year, many people think about the universal re-set button that December 31st brings. This is the time when you then task yourself to make life altering changes for the next 365 days swearing on a blood oath that “this is the year” that you will complete your mission of change.
As you have either experienced or witnessed, this is not always the case for the majority of us.

So why does this happen?
Habits. Old habits are hard to break but I have news for you. It is indeed possible to break habits. I bet there are many habits during your lifetime that you have broken without remembering that it was any different than it is right now. Let us take a look at a few.

Crawling.
Crying at the top of your lungs every time you are hungry.
Biting your fingernails.

I would like to think that many of you have replaced (most of) these with more useful behaviours at this stage of life. Sure these things are fundamental, but at one point you weren’t capable of such things. How exactly did you break these habits?

You created new ones.

You created your new habits with determination, help and support, that’s how. From the moment you began your life on this earth, you had these qualities and life assets that you should have with you to this very day.

Take learning to walk for example. You saw people around you do it; you wanted what the world of walking could bring to you. You had help and encouragement from people that cared about you and wanted you to succeed as much as you did, perhaps even more. With many trials and errors and likely a few scares and bruises along the way, there was nothing that could stop you from learning how to walk.

This new habit, called walking, changed your life. Forever.

Imagine if you set yourself up for success the very same way in other aspects of your life? What would that look like to you?

First, you need to make sure new the habit or behavior you want to be or have, will forever change your life for the better. You need to imagine, see and feel what having this will do for your life.

Second, you need find support. Surround yourself with people who are really good at the doing what you want to do, and want to see you enjoy it the same way they are.

Third, don’t give up after the first try. Try and try again. It may be a little uncomfortable or even scary. Keep asking for and accepting the help from others that want you to succeed because they care about you. If people gave up after their first attempts, we would have no plane, trains or Viagra.

Fourth, keep at this new habit until it sticks. It should be so natural that it becomes such a part of you that you can do it successfully without even thinking.

Lastly, be there for someone else who is now where you once were. Imagine being a part of the cycle of learning, sharing and growing for something that takes little effort from you, but has a huge impact on someone else.

As the new year fast approaches, I encourage you to take that dream, habit and goal of yours once and for all and try approaching them this way. If not, find something you are excellent that is second nature to you and help someone else with their goal and dream of a new way of being, doing and living.
Start walking.

It’s not me. It’s you.

“It’s not me. It’s You.”

I was dying to say that once to a potential beau that I knew wasn’t in the cards for me. Instead I said, “I think I see us as just being friends”, which was true. In my heart and mind, as much as I wanted to have my very own genuine boyfriend he wasn’t the one for me. Deep down I knew that if I ever did date this eager and willing bachelor who was looking for love as I was I would kill him- that was if my friends didn’t beat the crap out of me first. (Dude, you can’t call my closest friends pterodactyl and tyrannosaurus-rex respectively and expect to win them over).

Yes, if I told him how I really felt, he would have been sad, but if he was seriously looking for love, some self-reflection would have worked in his favour and bettered his chances at a future relationship; a successful one. I am pretty sure I am not the only dame in the world that finds it odd to go gift shopping with a guy that shops for the spa lady who “manscapes” his man-bits. Enter visual here.

For years I never complained about a terrible meal when dining out. Whenever I was asked how my meal was, it was always “fine” or “good”, even if it tasted like toasted socks (have you ever noticed that they always ask you when your mouth is full?). I didn’t want to hurt their (the servers) feelings if I wasn’t enjoying my meal. As I became to appreciate myself more and became more confident, I finally said to myself, why should I spend money for crap or something I don’t like or enjoy? If I were a cook, I would want to know if people are enjoying my food. If it sucks, I want to know what I can do to change it BUT how can I make it better if you don’t let me know? The poor cook can’t improve if they don’t realize that there is a need. Business suffers because word gets out that the food sucks; and then nobody wants to work for an establishment with a bad rep so finding good help is hard and you become less selective about quality help. The downward spiral continues. If someone only told you that your food sucks in the beginning.  

Are relationships any different?

If you knew that certain actions (or reactions) were causing distress to someone you cared about, wouldn’t you want to know about it? It was never your intention to hurt them; just as it’s not the intention of the person who has captured your affections to hurt yours. I’d want to know so I can make changes to be a better person. The most common reaction to rejection is to immediately find a way to fix yourself up to win back that other person. Does it work? Sometimes. Does it work forever? Rarely.

I’m not saying that wanting to change yourself to become better person is wrong. I’m saying that if you are doing it for someone else, the fix would be less permanent than if you do it for yourself.  Relationships with others don’t come with a lifetime guarantee no matter how strong a relationship feels. How many best friends do you have over a lifetime?

How many “yous” do you have over a lifetime?

The most important relationship in your life is the one with yourself.  If you are able to win over your own body, soul and mind with a good dose of self- love and adoration that would make you a pretty phenomenal person to be around. Wouldn’t it?  Who wouldn’t want to be around that? Can you picture what you would look like and how you would feel if you loved and adored yourself as much as you do for the people you care about?

Maybe you’re right. It is me.