Tag Archives: self doubt

It’s not me. It’s you.

4 Feb

“It’s not me. It’s You.”

I was dying to say that once to a potential beau that I knew wasn’t in the cards for me. Instead I said, “I think I see us as just being friends”, which was true. In my heart and mind, as much as I wanted to have my very own genuine boyfriend he wasn’t the one for me. Deep down I knew that if I ever did date this eager and willing bachelor who was looking for love as I was I would kill him- that was if my friends didn’t beat the crap out of me first. (Dude, you can’t call my closest friends pterodactyl and tyrannosaurus-rex respectively and expect to win them over).

Yes, if I told him how I really felt, he would have been sad, but if he was seriously looking for love, some self-reflection would have worked in his favour and bettered his chances at a future relationship; a successful one. I am pretty sure I am not the only dame in the world that finds it odd to go gift shopping with a guy that shops for the spa lady who “manscapes” his man-bits. Enter visual here.

For years I never complained about a terrible meal when dining out. Whenever I was asked how my meal was, it was always “fine” or “good”, even if it tasted like toasted socks (have you ever noticed that they always ask you when your mouth is full?). I didn’t want to hurt their (the servers) feelings if I wasn’t enjoying my meal. As I became to appreciate myself more and became more confident, I finally said to myself, why should I spend money for crap or something I don’t like or enjoy? If I were a cook, I would want to know if people are enjoying my food. If it sucks, I want to know what I can do to change it BUT how can I make it better if you don’t let me know? The poor cook can’t improve if they don’t realize that there is a need. Business suffers because word gets out that the food sucks; and then nobody wants to work for an establishment with a bad rep so finding good help is hard and you become less selective about quality help. The downward spiral continues. If someone only told you that your food sucks in the beginning.  

Are relationships any different?

If you knew that certain actions (or reactions) were causing distress to someone you cared about, wouldn’t you want to know about it? It was never your intention to hurt them; just as it’s not the intention of the person who has captured your affections to hurt yours. I’d want to know so I can make changes to be a better person. The most common reaction to rejection is to immediately find a way to fix yourself up to win back that other person. Does it work? Sometimes. Does it work forever? Rarely.

I’m not saying that wanting to change yourself to become better person is wrong. I’m saying that if you are doing it for someone else, the fix would be less permanent than if you do it for yourself.  Relationships with others don’t come with a lifetime guarantee no matter how strong a relationship feels. How many best friends do you have over a lifetime?

How many “yous” do you have over a lifetime?

The most important relationship in your life is the one with yourself.  If you are able to win over your own body, soul and mind with a good dose of self- love and adoration that would make you a pretty phenomenal person to be around. Wouldn’t it?  Who wouldn’t want to be around that? Can you picture what you would look like and how you would feel if you loved and adored yourself as much as you do for the people you care about?

Maybe you’re right. It is me.

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Find Your Tribe

22 Nov

Big Bath of LoveWith growing a new business in health, wellness and coaching, often I have found my ideas quite daunting to implement. I think they’re great. Really? Who doesn’t think their own ideas rock until someone gives them the “look”? Without having the skill or tech know-how to grow or develop my ideas,  I have let that become my excuse and hold me back from implementing them.

Enter here an opportunity that I threw out to the universe that boomeranged back to me with a message.

Late last spring, I fell upon some information on an interesting personal development seminar called Awesomeness Fest hosted by a company called Mind Valley. It looked cool and right up my alley but digging further there was an application and selection process to cap the attendance. That stopped me a number of times from considering it further. Eventually I said to myself “what the hell” and threw my hat in the ring. My business is just getting off the ground, I am not successful or thriving yet, but I could really use some inspiration, and besides you never know!

Months passed until one day in late August I received an email about an interview for this Awesomeness Fest business. I had totally forgotten about it! Well I’ll be damned, they actually want to talk to me! I had a 1 in 5 chance. I made an appointment with the warm and lovely Kelsey and was still in a state of surprise when I finally realized that I made the cut. Wow. Now I really have to think about this!

With my finances being tight , and with some previously unplanned last-minute trips earlier in the year, I really couldn’t afford this one. I was second guessing myself and considered not going, the conference fee didn’t include the hotel or travel, which for me being from the nether regions of the globe, was a considerably expensive jaunt.

In true follow-the-signs-form, I received my travel bonus cheque from work in the mail a couple of days later. It would cover the cost of the conference fee…imagine that?  I don’t wait around to get slapped in the back of the head with any more signs from the cosmos so I make my arrangements and start counting down for this experience.

The next step was finding a room mate. Any way to save a few bucks was welcome, so I put some feelers out to my new friends-to-be. I found one, but that fell through just days before I left. I wasn’t worried though, at this juncture I was going no matter what. As a reward, another person, with the same nickname and now known compatible snoring ability, found me and I now have a big sister for life.

It couldn’t be more perfect.

Now the AwesomenessFest experience itself is a whole other story, with meeting some new, fabulous and inspiring beings that are now a part of my world. I went hoping to be inspired and to find some mentors and was open to anything else that could happen. Well guess what? I got all of that plus so much more that I cannot even begin to measure.

I have found my tribe. I am now plugged in to a movement of people, ideas and talents that I look forward to being infected by. I have found people that I can share my deepest fears and desires with, and they don’t tilt their heads sideways with feigned interest or glaze over when I share. I have found people that have followed their dreams and have allowed me to believe that I am destined to do more and follow my own.

My tribe has helping people and pushing humanity forward as their personal mission. They have brilliant ideas and ways of being to attract good things to them. They are my kind of people. Did I attract them, or did they attract me?

If you find yourself looking for motivation, support or a kick in the pants, what would it do for you if you could find your tribe? What would your tribe look like? What do you look like to your tribe?

Go find your tribe.

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Eating Crow…With A Side Of Bacon

18 Oct

Have I no shame, or am I just okay with not being right all the time? I have turned into one of those people who I used to laugh (which I know now is judging) at.

In my 20s I thought I knew it all, had the answers for everything, as many of us did, or still do.

In my thirties my confidence waned and nothing turned out that way that I had imagined. In fact turning 30 for me and others of my gender was a little traumatic even. Probably not unlike the male mid-life-crisis, but for chicks, you silly rabbit.

This is the time I started to understand that there was more to learn, and that not knowing it all or having all the answers didn’t mean I was stupid, it meant I was brave enough to be curious. Those people I used to mock searching for the meaning of life were now the ones I was watching for answers. Apparently they were curious too!

I look at my life and never in a million years could I have guessed that I…
• would be employed by a post-secondary institution – without a degree
• am ambitious with an entrepreneurial spirit
• would be unmarried and be okay with it
• own my own home
• sing and perform in a band in front of hundreds of people
• enjoy running enough to complete 4 half marathons
• could ever keep my mind still enough to meditate
• would ever enter the self-help section of a bookstore
• become a health nut
• could possibly enjoy brussel sprouts.

How or why did these cool unexpected things happen to me? I have always been adventurous and spontaneous and in my own words a “shallow thinker”. I never delved too deeply into the hows or whys of things. I pretty much traveled through life on instinct with a dash of common sense, which has proved to be a pretty great combo now that I look back on life.

I love that I was wrong about my life predictions. Despite all the dramas and ups and downs, they are all part of whom I am now and where I am today, which I think is pretty darn cool.

I continue to search and be curious. I continue to offer silent apologies and gratitude to those before me that I used to scoff at. I continue to be grateful for my past mistakes (which I know call learning opportunities) because I needed them to be where I am today.

Can you appreciate your past, the good the bad and the ugly? What would your life look like if you could be okay with how it has played out? What would it look like if you could move forward?
ravens claw
I stand corrected. I stand curious. I still stand. I will eat crow, but please make it tasty.

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