Tag Archives: relationship break up

It’s not me. It’s you.

4 Feb

“It’s not me. It’s You.”

I was dying to say that once to a potential beau that I knew wasn’t in the cards for me. Instead I said, “I think I see us as just being friends”, which was true. In my heart and mind, as much as I wanted to have my very own genuine boyfriend he wasn’t the one for me. Deep down I knew that if I ever did date this eager and willing bachelor who was looking for love as I was I would kill him- that was if my friends didn’t beat the crap out of me first. (Dude, you can’t call my closest friends pterodactyl and tyrannosaurus-rex respectively and expect to win them over).

Yes, if I told him how I really felt, he would have been sad, but if he was seriously looking for love, some self-reflection would have worked in his favour and bettered his chances at a future relationship; a successful one. I am pretty sure I am not the only dame in the world that finds it odd to go gift shopping with a guy that shops for the spa lady who “manscapes” his man-bits. Enter visual here.

For years I never complained about a terrible meal when dining out. Whenever I was asked how my meal was, it was always “fine” or “good”, even if it tasted like toasted socks (have you ever noticed that they always ask you when your mouth is full?). I didn’t want to hurt their (the servers) feelings if I wasn’t enjoying my meal. As I became to appreciate myself more and became more confident, I finally said to myself, why should I spend money for crap or something I don’t like or enjoy? If I were a cook, I would want to know if people are enjoying my food. If it sucks, I want to know what I can do to change it BUT how can I make it better if you don’t let me know? The poor cook can’t improve if they don’t realize that there is a need. Business suffers because word gets out that the food sucks; and then nobody wants to work for an establishment with a bad rep so finding good help is hard and you become less selective about quality help. The downward spiral continues. If someone only told you that your food sucks in the beginning.  

Are relationships any different?

If you knew that certain actions (or reactions) were causing distress to someone you cared about, wouldn’t you want to know about it? It was never your intention to hurt them; just as it’s not the intention of the person who has captured your affections to hurt yours. I’d want to know so I can make changes to be a better person. The most common reaction to rejection is to immediately find a way to fix yourself up to win back that other person. Does it work? Sometimes. Does it work forever? Rarely.

I’m not saying that wanting to change yourself to become better person is wrong. I’m saying that if you are doing it for someone else, the fix would be less permanent than if you do it for yourself.  Relationships with others don’t come with a lifetime guarantee no matter how strong a relationship feels. How many best friends do you have over a lifetime?

How many “yous” do you have over a lifetime?

The most important relationship in your life is the one with yourself.  If you are able to win over your own body, soul and mind with a good dose of self- love and adoration that would make you a pretty phenomenal person to be around. Wouldn’t it?  Who wouldn’t want to be around that? Can you picture what you would look like and how you would feel if you loved and adored yourself as much as you do for the people you care about?

Maybe you’re right. It is me.

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