Tag Archives: self love

It’s not me. It’s you.

4 Feb

“It’s not me. It’s You.”

I was dying to say that once to a potential beau that I knew wasn’t in the cards for me. Instead I said, “I think I see us as just being friends”, which was true. In my heart and mind, as much as I wanted to have my very own genuine boyfriend he wasn’t the one for me. Deep down I knew that if I ever did date this eager and willing bachelor who was looking for love as I was I would kill him- that was if my friends didn’t beat the crap out of me first. (Dude, you can’t call my closest friends pterodactyl and tyrannosaurus-rex respectively and expect to win them over).

Yes, if I told him how I really felt, he would have been sad, but if he was seriously looking for love, some self-reflection would have worked in his favour and bettered his chances at a future relationship; a successful one. I am pretty sure I am not the only dame in the world that finds it odd to go gift shopping with a guy that shops for the spa lady who “manscapes” his man-bits. Enter visual here.

For years I never complained about a terrible meal when dining out. Whenever I was asked how my meal was, it was always “fine” or “good”, even if it tasted like toasted socks (have you ever noticed that they always ask you when your mouth is full?). I didn’t want to hurt their (the servers) feelings if I wasn’t enjoying my meal. As I became to appreciate myself more and became more confident, I finally said to myself, why should I spend money for crap or something I don’t like or enjoy? If I were a cook, I would want to know if people are enjoying my food. If it sucks, I want to know what I can do to change it BUT how can I make it better if you don’t let me know? The poor cook can’t improve if they don’t realize that there is a need. Business suffers because word gets out that the food sucks; and then nobody wants to work for an establishment with a bad rep so finding good help is hard and you become less selective about quality help. The downward spiral continues. If someone only told you that your food sucks in the beginning.  

Are relationships any different?

If you knew that certain actions (or reactions) were causing distress to someone you cared about, wouldn’t you want to know about it? It was never your intention to hurt them; just as it’s not the intention of the person who has captured your affections to hurt yours. I’d want to know so I can make changes to be a better person. The most common reaction to rejection is to immediately find a way to fix yourself up to win back that other person. Does it work? Sometimes. Does it work forever? Rarely.

I’m not saying that wanting to change yourself to become better person is wrong. I’m saying that if you are doing it for someone else, the fix would be less permanent than if you do it for yourself.  Relationships with others don’t come with a lifetime guarantee no matter how strong a relationship feels. How many best friends do you have over a lifetime?

How many “yous” do you have over a lifetime?

The most important relationship in your life is the one with yourself.  If you are able to win over your own body, soul and mind with a good dose of self- love and adoration that would make you a pretty phenomenal person to be around. Wouldn’t it?  Who wouldn’t want to be around that? Can you picture what you would look like and how you would feel if you loved and adored yourself as much as you do for the people you care about?

Maybe you’re right. It is me.


All or Nothing

2 May

Over the years I have had to learn to temper my all or nothing way of thinking and rather intense personality. Sure there are times that I was super motivated, but it was usually because I felt that I had something to prove to someone else. One summer I lost 30 pounds when I got dumped by my long time boyfriend. (He broke up with me and got married two weeks later to a classmate he met after I told him to go out and make some friends). I was in the best shape of my life…physically. I even had a six-pack, for the first and only time in my life…abs!

My head space was a different story. I worked out like a fiend, for all the wrong reasons. It wasn’t about bring healthy. I actually lost my appetite, but continued to push myself physically, beyond exhaustion some times. Is it a surprise that I wasn’t able to maintain a six-pack and over the years gained over 50 pounds that I am still trying to shed over 20 years later?

It took me almost two decades to cut myself some slack, about not doing things I believed that I “should” do, or “needed” to do. For what or who do I need to do these things for anyway?  What would happen if I simply didn’t want to do it? The world didn’t end, and people didn’t hate me for it. As a matter of fact, no one even noticed or batted an eye during my self-imposed rebellion.

I finally started to get to know myself better. I became more open to try different and out-of-my-comfort-zone things, from massages, to chiropractic care, to yoga. These little openings lead to some fantastic experiences, some great, some disastrous, but all fantastic outcomes nevertheless.  I finally became curious about things, and didn’t care as much about what other people thought. What they thought about me didn’t change who I was inside, or make me a bad person.

What would you do for yourself if nobody cared, commented or noticed what you did? What makes you think they do now? What if you went ahead and did it anyway?

How liberating would that feel for you? Can you remember when you last felt or do you even know what it feels like to be liberated?

You. Liberated. How does that look on you?

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