Tag Archives: no regret

Death. The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

1 Feb

Death is a gift.I was 19 when my mom died of cancer. It was certainly my saddest day ever. I could say that it was my worst day, but it wasn’t. I wasn’t a mama’s girl (nor a daddy’s girl after the age of 4 but that’s another post), but she was my best friend.

Was her death my worst day…or was it hers?

She was the one who couldn’t see her children experience the life milestones of finishing high school, falling in love, getting married or starting families of their own.

She was the one who had to leave the love of her life behind to take care of his kids that he was too busy to spend time with.

She was the one that had to endure the pain and discomfort of cancer, radiation and chemotherapy for four years.

She was the one that didn’t get a chance to grow old and swap menopause stories with her sisters or brag about her kids to her brother.

She’s the one that didn’t get chance to live in the first house that my dad bought for them to live in, anticipating an empty nest.

Was her death was my worst day…or was it hers?

She got to see her daughter finish high school. She got to see her son excel in wrestling on a national level. She got to travel to Africa with her family. She lived a comfortable life with many caring and dear friends surrounding her. She had a loving caring husband who taught her kids uncouth habits like burping and stealth farting.

While she lived, she lived.

The best way for me to move on was to live my life using all the lessons, lectures and love that she shared with me during her lifetime. I really should have paid closer attention and learned how to make her Clap Roti, which to this day I have had none that can compare.

I also learned from her mistakes and weaknesses. Her lessons have become my lessons, and a catalyst for the lifestyle and joy filled path I have chosen.

For those who suffer, death is a gift to be free of the pain, be it physical or otherwise.

For the living, it’s a little harder, and takes some time for a number of us to take the good that can come from it.

What if she had lived? Would I have been as independent as I am now? Would I be as resourceful? Would we even be close, or would we have had a falling out because of my tense relationship with my father? Who knows.

All I know is that I was lucky to have her. Her grace, her poise, her gentleness are traits I can strive for, as she demonstrated that for me. That is her gift to me.

Thanks for living. Thanks for dying. Thanks for watching over me.

Thanks for your gifts.

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