Tag Archives: health coaching

Death. The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

1 Feb

Death is a gift.I was 19 when my mom died of cancer. It was certainly my saddest day ever. I could say that it was my worst day, but it wasn’t. I wasn’t a mama’s girl (nor a daddy’s girl after the age of 4 but that’s another post), but she was my best friend.

Was her death my worst day…or was it hers?

She was the one who couldn’t see her children experience the life milestones of finishing high school, falling in love, getting married or starting families of their own.

She was the one who had to leave the love of her life behind to take care of his kids that he was too busy to spend time with.

She was the one that had to endure the pain and discomfort of cancer, radiation and chemotherapy for four years.

She was the one that didn’t get a chance to grow old and swap menopause stories with her sisters or brag about her kids to her brother.

She’s the one that didn’t get chance to live in the first house that my dad bought for them to live in, anticipating an empty nest.

Was her death was my worst day…or was it hers?

She got to see her daughter finish high school. She got to see her son excel in wrestling on a national level. She got to travel to Africa with her family. She lived a comfortable life with many caring and dear friends surrounding her. She had a loving caring husband who taught her kids uncouth habits like burping and stealth farting.

While she lived, she lived.

The best way for me to move on was to live my life using all the lessons, lectures and love that she shared with me during her lifetime. I really should have paid closer attention and learned how to make her Clap Roti, which to this day I have had none that can compare.

I also learned from her mistakes and weaknesses. Her lessons have become my lessons, and a catalyst for the lifestyle and joy filled path I have chosen.

For those who suffer, death is a gift to be free of the pain, be it physical or otherwise.

For the living, it’s a little harder, and takes some time for a number of us to take the good that can come from it.

What if she had lived? Would I have been as independent as I am now? Would I be as resourceful? Would we even be close, or would we have had a falling out because of my tense relationship with my father? Who knows.

All I know is that I was lucky to have her. Her grace, her poise, her gentleness are traits I can strive for, as she demonstrated that for me. That is her gift to me.

Thanks for living. Thanks for dying. Thanks for watching over me.

Thanks for your gifts.

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Stories My Body Told Me

16 Aug

Hmm, my stomach isn’t bothering me this trip and doing that gerbil-on-a-wheel-thing like it has been doing for years. I keep harping about the mind body connection to things. Let me think about this. What’s different?
I’m relaxed and not stressed about leaving or coming back home to something unpleasant. That’s rare.

When I was 19 my mom was in her fourth year of battling Cancer. She was in the hospital for 3 months, and for all I knew it could have been another three more. I was overwhelmed and needed some time away so I decided to take a trip. We had lots of family visiting so I felt okay with leaving with so much family around. Upon my return, my mother’s best friend met me at the airport to take me straight to the hospital as my mother was “hanging on for me to say goodbye”. In true mom form, she was a class act to the end and held on for three days after I got home to spend some time with me before she left us. (Part of me believes that she did this on purpose so I wouldn’t feel guilty for leaving.)

During that time I was trying to get ahold of my area supervisor at work to let them know what was going on.

“What’s does receivership mean?” I asked

“Well, we’re bankrupt. Your store is closed.”

That certainly explained why nobody was answering the phone when I called.

Hmmm, mothers death and no job. Do you think that has anything to do with my elusive travel stress? Oh, and by the way mention that my mom’s cancer started in the colon? What do you want to guess that she carried her stress in her gut?

Our body sends us signals all the time. But like a white noise we don’t always match up our body signs and signals to how we are feeling. Mine was telling me I was stressed about leaving on trips, but it took me years to figure that out.

Here is another you may relate to:years of migraines went away shortly after  the end of a long-term relationship. Coincidence?

My body has been talking to me for years apparently. I just wasn’t tuned in or paying attention to was it was trying to tell me. It chose different way to try and get my attention. Now that I am listening, we have a far better relationship – both inside and out.

Hello body, how are you today? What is it that you would like me to know? I’m listening.

Mind Body Connection Health Coaching

Mind Body Connection

 

Ass-Kicked by Karma

31 Dec

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A number of years back, installing my own personal rebellion against New Years’ Resolutions, I instead decided to go with a mantra for the year. I discovered my power of self-fulfilling prophecy and finally decided that I better start using my powers for good before I got my ass kicked by Karma.

My first mantra was “Just Say No.” I was making out with a lot of guys back then which wasn’t getting me anywhere so I thought I would be selective for a change.  It seemed that my selection process that year only improved slightly as I realized I was attracting a puzzling pattern of undependable and unreliable cads all named Mike (present company excluded)). So the following year, my obvious mantra was to ” Just say no…to Mikes”.

I started to notice something.

This mantra idea seemed to actually work and helped me improve my less-than-questionable decision-making abilities. What if I had a more positive mantra? What would happen then?

My new mantra was ” No regrets”. Every time I came to a moment where a particularly weighty decision had to be made, I asked myself the question, “will I regret doing this?” or ‘will I regret not doing this?” This one still stands as my most powerful and effective mantra to date.

After that, things really started to change in my life. I felt liberated as I became more confident in my life choices. I took some big chances that were all part and parcel of where I am today.

Somewhere along my journey, I started writing things down. Not consciously or deliberately, but at different times for different reasons I started writing down things that I wanted in my life. I never thought much of it as it was usually an activity driven by some sort of program or workshop I was in, but then sometimes well over a year or two later I would come across what I had written and they all had something in common. Everything I wrote down came true.

Seriously? Yes, seriously.

Even my list of what I wanted in a mate came true. I had several dozen qualities and traits on that list… I had “teeth” on that list three times, as it’s been a running joke with my friends for years…”I just want a man with teeth”. Would it surprise you if I told you that my “significant other” met every single item on that list, and that he is obsessed with his teeth? True story. The only thing I didn’t ask for was that special someone be in my own country, so now my desired mate lives over 3000 miles away. Well played Karma, well played. I can’t help but laugh with the old dame!

The power of the written word really hit home this summer when I came across some “work” I had done about five years ago in a program called the “Pursuit of Excellence”. One of our activities was to work on a relationship that we would like to improve, (actually was more like what we should improve, as at that point I did didn’t really like the idea) . Not having talked to my father for the better part of 20 years, I figured it was a good place to start. I wrote down what I would like the relationship to look like, not really believing it could happen, or not wanting to as I didn’t want to set my self up for yet another disappointing and painful attempt at mending this broken thread.

I wrote down unlikely things like, “become friends”, “create new memories” and something highly unlikely like “take a road trip together”.

I was stunned as I read this.

Two summers ago, my dad came to visit me and stayed for 7 weeks. He drove with my friend Sandy and I for twelve hours each way and so we could run a half marathon in Anchorage. I am not daddy’s little girl yet, but now communicate a few times a year, by phone, email and even Facebook. It’s a start. It’s a relationship that I never thought could be repaired.

Coincidence? I think not. It has happened far too many times for it to be so. Not only is there power in my spoken word, but written too? Holy crap. It’s time to write things down.

Something happens when we write things down, intended or not. Can you think of a time where you wrote something down a long time ago, and you come across it later and it has actually come true? What would happen if you actually wrote down what you want to have happen for yourself in your own life?

Are you going to write it down…or wait to get your ass-kicked my karma?

A Quickie With My Food Boyfriend

24 May

Do you enjoy a quickie, or do you enjoy a longer, more languid session that is memorable and makes you smile every time you think about it?

Am I talking about sex or am I talking about food? The pleasure of eating is often compared to sex. A scrumptious meal, or your favourite food likely hits those same pleasure zones and creates similar chemical reactions in the brain.

What if we treated eating the way we treated sex? What if you took the time to get to know and understand what you are eating, or where your food comes from to gain a better appreciation from it? We know when we spend time on foreplay, the payoff is more satisfying. Why should it be any different with food?

How about this perspective. Think about mercy or sympathy “dating” as it were. There are times where you are less fussy or selective with our choice of partner. The person of the moment isn’t your type, or normally isn’t what you would go for, and they are certainly not the “one”. They may not even be good for you, however, they seem to be nice enough and it’s just easier and convenient for the time being. Sound familiar? Sometimes you are selective and will hold out for someone really worthwhile, but sometimes we just need to get a fix so we don’t feel the desire to hold out.

Do you do the same with food? “Ahh, it’s not a great meal, but I’m hungry and it will do”. It has no real nutritional value, but it tastes good. Is every meal you eat a mind blowing toe curling experience? Why not?

How long would you put up with bad sex? How does the thought of less than satisfactory sex feel to you? How happy would you be?

How long or often do you put up with mediocre or bad food, or food that doesn’t nourish you?

Think about the most fulfilling relationship you have or have ever had and what a wonderful experience that was or still is. What would you look like if  you treated your relationship with food like a relationship with the love of your life? Your food boyfriend if he had a voice, would he be able to convince you that:

  • It’s good for you
  • It’s good to you
  • It’s satisfying
  • You can trust and depend on it to take care of you
  • It thrives with love and attention from you

Is it time to have the “talk” with your food boyfriend or food girlfriend to see where this relationship is going?

Got to start somewhere

27 Mar

Well, this is it. The beginning of beginnings. Welcome to my blog on motivation… self motivation that is. I am always making deals with myself to get things done. That I NEED to get done. Sometimes I am motivated, some times I am not. I am always looking for ways to help myself grow to able to get things done that will help me achieve my dreams.

I cannot be the only one.

Whether its your health, your love life or your future, whatever you want that you need a kick in the pants for, I will do my best and promise to share what I have learned from myself, from others, what has worked and what hasn’t worked. If you promise to do the same, I think that we will make beautiful motivational babies together.

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